SnogWhore's School of Bitchcraft and Sodomy
by Alexei Noire
Summary: XXXThe Randiest School on the planet!XXX
1. Default Chapter

The More the Merrier!  
  
I was bored when I wrote this - I had writer's block after my other story, the serious one but here's summat to keep u interested!  
  
A quiet and saucy night between Harry and Lavender takes its own route to a night of wild sex! READ THIS ALL THE WAY THROUGH OR YOU'LL REGRET MISSING THE END!  
  
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Harry and Lavender have been going out for six minutes and decide that they are both ready for a more physical relationship.  
  
Harry sat on Lavender's bed in the girl's dormitory of Gryffindor Tower. He patted the space next to him.  
  
"Come on, babe," he said silkily grabbing her by the hip and drawing her forward flirtatiously.  
  
"Are you sure we're ready, Harry?" she said sitting on his lap, facing him with her arms around his neck. "I mean you realise that you are a teenage lad with raging hormones who would shag anything with a pulse?"  
  
Harry paused.  
  
"I'm not THAT shallow."  
  
"Yeh sure, and birds can fly!" she said sarcastically, not noticing the exasperated look on Harry's face after her bimbo-ish comment.  
  
"We discussed this remember? We need to take the next step."  
  
"Harry you only fucking asked me out after Charms!" Lavender roared.  
  
Harry just gave her a flirtatious smile and started to unbutton Lavender's lavender cardigan. She proceeded to taking his sweatshirt off while he tore her bra off.  
  
Lavender got off Harry and allowed him to move to rest his head on the pillow, she was now topless completely.. as was Harry. She made her way to the side of the bed and then sat on Harry's crotch, as it began to throb and expand, she could feel herself getting moist around her crotch area because of Harry massaging his chest and stomach in display while pulling her skirt off to reveal a very kinky red thong *wink wink*.  
  
Lavender suddenly stood up, grabbing her wand from the bedside cabinet and muttered, "LUMOS!"  
  
She shone the bright light of her wand in Harry's eyes.  
  
"What the fuck are you doing you little bitch?" Harry said bitterly as she frowned at him with her C cup boobs hanging in front of her like Tesco bags full of Sunny Delight.  
  
She scowled at him, "Why do you keep taking MY clothes off but you won't let me take yours off!"  
  
Harry laughed and hoisted himself up slightly in the bed, he couldn't but help feel sorry for the poor cow, SHE didn't realise how stupid she was.  
  
"Honey," he said reassuringly but with an air of condescendence, "I WILL let you, I just wanted to make sure all of yours were off first so that I could have a very stiff penis before I inserted it into your vagina."  
  
She thought about this for a moment the finally said, "Okay but I want to see an erect penis when I take your boxers off, I hate the way they look when limp."  
  
Harry gave her a menacing smile as she sat back down and placed her wand back on the cabinet.  
  
And so Lavender pulled Harry's trousers off and before whipping his boxers off, kissing his package and letting her tongue wander around under the flap.  
  
Then she saw his penis and the look on her face was indescribable, okay...... it was kinda like the look on a mother-in-law's face when she finds some dirt on her son-in-law.  
  
Harry finally tore Lavender's lavender...I mean red thong off. The pussy wasn't THAT amazing, it was inside so he couldn't be impressed yet.  
  
And the moment that Harry had been waiting for had arrived - Lavender was just about to impale her pussy with Harry's tool. He began to breathe sharply as she moved on top of him .. but a loud noise from the door made them both freeze in terror.  
  
Ron Weasley had just barged in on them; he was accompanied by his girlfriend from Durmstrang, Ivana Dewitt.  
  
Ron stared open-mouthed at the sight that met his eyes.  
  
"Harry. Lavender.." He stammered.  
  
Harry was not ashamed but sat up and said, "Glad you know our names, now would you mind leaving us?"  
  
But Lavender had other ideas, "Wait! Ron, Ivana why don't you join us?"  
  
Harry gave Lavender an utterly thunderstruck glance, his eyes stretched as wide as they could go. All he could do was stammer.  
  
"Um.. um. Lavender did you just say to join you?" Ron asked.  
  
"Ja course she sayed that, Rony-ald!" Ivana said.  
  
"Yes Ron, Ivana, I want us to have a kinky rocking of the casbah!" Lavender piped up.  
  
Everyone stared at her.  
  
"Well it sounded much better in my head!" she cried.  
  
Ron looked to Ivana and then said to Lavender, "If you're serious, I'm up for it!"  
  
Lavender nodded and Ivana had a look upon her face that suggested that she had tricks up her sleeve, as if she planned having group sex with her boyfriend's best friend and girlfriend.  
  
And so Ron and Ivana Dewitt began to strip off, leaving nothing but their underwear on and got onto the bed. Lavender got up off Harry and began to French kiss Ron while Ivana began to tease Harry's balls.  
  
Harry looked up at her nervously, he couldn't talk about how he 'scored' with Lavender now with the lads in the Gryffindor common room tomorrow because she'd invited his best friend, who was getting off with his girlfriend. And now Ron's girlfriend was playing around with his crotch and licking his nipples - Harry was so turned off, he was cold.  
  
Nonetheless, he tried to make conversation, "So.. you're from Durmstrang?"  
  
She nodded.  
  
"We once had your lot round here for the Triwizard Tournament in my fourth year," Harry continued as she listened silently, "Um... what was your name again?"  
  
"Ivana Dewitt," she breathed silently.  
  
"I wanna do it?" he asked.  
  
She suddenly perked up, and climbing onto his hips said, "DON'T MIND IF I DO!"  
  
Before Harry knew it, he was being fucked - no RAPED by this mad foreign lass. He couldn't even enjoy it because she was going so fast and he didn't fancy her but then he felt the orgasm coming through and then began to respond to her rhythmic banging. She screamed out loud, making Lavender and Ron look up at her from their kiss and then Harry felt it - his orgasm it was coming... and..  
  
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" he moaned out loud.  
  
"Shit, you little bitch that was fucking fantastic," he said while Ivana's enormous boobs bounced before him like two beach balls.  
  
Ivana smiled and then slid his dick out of her pussy.  
  
Now, Harry Potter, now in his Sixth Year of Hogwarts was seen as somewhat of a stud, as was Draco Malfoy (worryingly). Well Harry was used to casual sex with girls falling at his feet everywhere (except Potions where they had to hide under the desk, while 'playing' with his willy) and Harry was used to the idea that you've had enough sex after one orgasm - in fact he had the misconception that everyone else did too.. Ivana had other things in mind.  
  
Lavender and Ron were now in a 69 position, slurping away and letting out a muffled moan every so often.  
  
Ivana was now sitting on the bed cross legged and looking like she was waiting for something, her eyes lingering across the corner of the Gryffindor Girl's Dormitory.  
  
And then it happened, suddenly, two people holding an old sock appeared in the corner of the room. Harry jumped at their sudden appearance and then saw that it was none other than his fellow Gryffindor, Seamus and a Hufflepuff, Susan Bones that Harry had barely spoken to, though he'd shagged her before.  
  
"What the fuck?" Harry cried.  
  
"Hi Harry," Seamus said in a randy tone, he was wearing a cowboy outfit, though a very skimpy and burlesque one that made Harry nauseous. It was just wearing a cowboy hat, gloves, boots, a red neck scarf and worst of all - a white thong.  
  
Then Harry saw Susan emerge from the shadows after talking to Ivana for a few minutes.  
  
"Hiya Harry," she said, giggling. Harry saw that she was wearing a tight nurse's outfit and her boobs were almost falling out - Harry couldn't help being turned on.  
  
"How..how did you get here?" Harry asked still staring at Susan's chest.  
  
"Portkey of course," Seamus answered holding up the sock they came with.  
  
Harry was utterly confused, and was not sure why there were six people in the room while he was lying butt-naked on Lavender's bed and his best friend and girlfriend were teasing each other's genitals.  
  
Ivana came back to the bedside and did an engorgement charm to extend Lavender's bed. Harry saw it stretch beyond his feet. It was now big enough to house ten people.  
  
"Um... Ivana - what's going on, exactly?" Harry finally asked.  
  
She merely laughed in answer to his question, a harsh, coarse laugh that quickly became a high pitched giggle.  
  
Harry was now afraid - VERY afraid....  
  
Meanwhile Seamus and Susan sat down on the bed in their costumes.  
  
"Where on earth ARE they?" Lavender asked from the other end of her bed, looking in Ivana's direction, "they should have been here ten minutes ago!"  
  
Something gave Harry the sordid impression that the girls had been scheming something.  
  
But he couldn't linger on this thought for very much longer because the door to the dormitory had suddenly been flung open and Harry could see two figures standing in the doorway.  
  
He almost yelled out when he saw who it was - a tall blonde boy wearing a tight leather thong, with his hands tied together in leather straps. But the thing that was most worrying was the fact that he had a dog leash around his neck and the girl holding it was none other than Harry's friend, Hermione Granger.  
  
Harry's jaw dropped to the floor and he didn't notice Ron coming up from behind and putting his hands round Harry's waist, while kissing his neck - or Lavender crawling slowly towards Harry's Crown Jewels, whilst kissing his thighs.  
  
Hermione was wearing a tight red leather catsuit, showing a very skinny figure but gigantic breasts that jutted out before her like a shelf. In one hand she was holding a horse whip, and in the other was the leash tied round the blonde boy, Draco Malfoy's neck.  
  
This wasn't the same Hermione Granger - the Muggle-born bookish and awkward girl who Ron and Hermione had saved from a Mountain Troll - this was...  
  
"Velcome Super Beetch!" Ivana said loudly, "and her faithful companion, Randy."  
  
"Uh my name is Draco actually." he piped up, "but you can call me whatever you want, baby!" he added catching sight of her breasts.  
  
And so there were eight in the room. Harry was not sure what was going on exactly but was sure it couldn't be good - how very wrong he was!  
  
Ivana stood up on the gigantic bed and spoke to the assortment of Hogwarts Students in the room, "Okay, vee are all gathered here for one thing - KINKY SEX!"  
  
Everyone but Harry cheered, and he noticed that Ron's penis was up his anus and that Lavender was rubbing her boobs against his dick. He was too shocked to protest, thinking it was all some horrible dream.  
  
But then at that moment Ivana continued, "Thees eez how it vill vork - everyone choose a partner of the opposite sex!"  
  
Seamus went with Susan, Draco went with Hermione, Ron went with Ivana and it seemed that Harry was with Lavender.  
  
Now each couple must choose another couple to pair up with.  
  
And then Seamus and Susan went with Ron and Ivana, and it looked as if Harry's repressed feelings towards Draco would be able to come into action as he was with him and Hermione.  
  
And before he knew it, Harry was being used as the 'base' - whatever THAT was. But he didn't care, as long as he could have Hermione bouncing off him and Draco inside him or vice versa.  
  
And so it began, Hermione slid Harry's penis into her vagina and began slow rhythmic movements. Draco followed en suit and slid his cock inside Harry's ass while holding his legs up on his shoulders. Then it was Lavender's turn, but she couldn't find anything to do, but Harry grabbed her and began to lick her out. Hermione kept massaging her boobs and Draco was moaning so loudly that Harry was sure he was going to come very soon.  
  
On the other side of the large bed was Ivana being fucked by Ron who had Seamus' dick up his ass. Seamus had his tongue squirming around inside Susan's pussy. The moans in the room were incredible, and it was getting hotter and hotter - the sweat was pouring off the kids like water.  
  
The sight of the other four was enough to make Harry roar loudly as he came, and came, and came. This was no regular orgasm, it was really strong and he wanted more. Ron, Seamus, Draco, Hermione, Susan and Lavender had all come by now but Ivana was still going, and when she finally DID come - she got up and just left the room.  
  
"What's up with HER?" Harry asked, with Hermione in his arms and Draco on the other side.  
  
"Nevermind THAT sweety," Hermione said getting up and whipping her firm ass - everyone was still naked except Seamus who was still wearing his cowboy hat and neck scarf, making both Lavender and Susan VERY randy - as well as Ron, funnily enough.  
  
Ron crawled over to Harry from the other side of the room and began to get off with Draco.  
  
"Yuck! Ron, you poof!" Harry said as they kissed right next to him, "I always thought you were a bit bent, ever since you spent ages snogging me in Spin the Bottle at Christmas."  
  
Ron stopped kissing Draco and pointed to the other side of the room - Lavender and Susan were kissing too, and Seamus having watched them for ages, joined in as well in a three-person kiss.  
  
"Anyway," Ron said crawling over to Harry and running a finger along his stomach, "you can talk - in Second Year you wrote a note saying 'Let's Do it Tonight'"  
  
Hermione burst out laughing, as did Draco.  
  
Harry went red in the face, "you know I meant to go into Forbidden Forest and look for Aragog when THAT happened."  
  
"Sure you did," Draco said finger Hermione.  
  
"I can't believe I'm hearing this!" Harry cried.  
  
Ron sat on top of Harry's stomach (bear in mind EVERYONE in the room is STILL NAKED) and just uttered, "Bitch".  
  
Suddenly, Ivana burst through the door with her wand pointing at Harry.  
  
"You shall all die now," she whispered.  
  
"NO YOU DON'T!" cried a voice from the other end of the room. Draco and Hermione were dressed in corsets and wore pale make up - looking like quite the sweet transvestites. They were holding up a trident and pointing it at Ivana.  
  
"You shall die now," they said and Ivana crumpled to the ground in a pile of ashes.  
  
"We shall return now to the Planet Transsexual," they said, "It is better that the people of Earth be safe from Frank-n-Furter.. I mean Ivana Dewitt's randiness - GOODBYE!"  
  
And they disappeared in to air.  
  
"Well that was a weird dream," Harry said, but realised that he was still there.  
  
Everyone laughed and jumped on top of Harry...  
  
What happened next? Oh rite - yes they had sex I think - might have played tiddly-winks but you never know!  
  
THE END 


	2. Ride me Cowboy!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay people, these fics can get a bit smutty, so if ur innocent.. or naked, then make sure you don't come all over your seat while reading this. ^_^ Of course, I'M Asexual, so there's nothing in the world that turns ME on - except Julia Roberts!!!  
  
It's Snog-Whore's School of Bitchcraft and Sodomy, when the students get bored - they fuck!  
  
Ride me Cowboy!  
  
It's the night of the Midnight Ball, at Hogwarts, and it's near the end of term. Hormones are racing at the speed of light, and baby that ALWAYS means it's gotta be tonight! ;)  
  
Harry Potter, Seamus Finnigan and Parvati Patil are all stood together in a huddle, these three are what the people at Snog-whore's call... the SLUTS - the Sixth Years who get all the action and sexual know-how!  
  
Of course there's another member of the Sluts but he's already in bed with at least six other people, yes Draco Malfoy is the allegedly hottest member of the Sluts at Snog-whore's, however it is a tough fight between him and Parvati, who can make boys faint, sweat and come in their pants all at once, just by applying the correct amount of physical contact.  
  
"Ha!" Parvati laughed, "Look at that Pansy Parkinson, she thinks she can pass of a corset and curly wig better than Tim Curry!"  
  
The difference between Parvati and the guys is that she tries to sleep with as least people as possible - after all, she has the risk of pregnancy unlike the lads. Everyone in the Sluts had a nickname, to which the other members referred to them as - Parvati was known as 'Miss Laura Lustful'.  
  
"Whoa," Seamus cried in a hoarse whisper, "Look at my Deany go! He's all over that Ravenclaw girl!"  
  
Seamus Finnigan, a tall, sandy-haired, fairly hot guy. His main attraction is his devastatingly sexy Irish accent, which has caused the most class fainting at Snog-whore's since the time of Tom Riddle. In fact, ol' Seamus has succeeding in making Professors McGonagall, Trelawney and for reasons unknown - Professor Snape fall unconscious by simply answering questions in class. Seamus' Slut nickname was 'Alluring Adonis'.  
  
"Heh," Harry laughed, "Looks like Ron and Hermione won't be dancing with anyone else but each other tonight."  
  
Harry.. Oh ho, Harry! Well his main attraction is his raven-black hair, which is messed up in a. erm artistic? way. His green eyes, are used to hypnotise girls into bed, although, he's been mad enough to take boys into bed too. He can render a straight guy, completely homosexual, using the same techniques as Parvati. Harry's Slut nickname was 'Viridian Vixen'.  
  
The three Sluts took their bottles of Butterbeers and held them up together.  
  
"To a wild night of hot sex, passion and mindless foreplay!" Parvati announced.  
  
Their bottles chinked as they drank to sin and immorally kinky sex.  
  
"So, like who've you got your eye on tonight, Miss Lustful?" Harry asked, with an air of impatience - he was used to girls falling head over heels for him, becoming obsessed with him, and, in the case of Eluda Morrenson, a fourth year Hufflepuff, worshipping him. His beauty made him quite cocky, and believe me, if I'D met him, I'd hate the arrogant asshole.  
  
Parvati laughed, "Well.. It would have been Sir Flimsy Frivolous," which was Draco Malfoy's Slut nickname, "but seeing as he's having some sort of insane orgy, I suppose that Ernie Macmillan does look somewhat unctuous tonight in those TIGHT dress robes."  
  
Seamus laughed, "Well I've got my eyes on someone a bit closer to home," Parvati blushed furiously, her heart would melt if he didn't stop talking, "eh.. Harry?"  
  
"WHAT?" Harry exclaimed, "Rule Number one of the Law of the Snog-Whore's Sluts is no sex with other member, unless the libido has reached such a high point that the closest thing to allow alleviation is a fellow member!"  
  
"HAH!" Seamus laughed, as Parvati eyed him hopefully, "You just made that rule up, buddy boy!"  
  
He smacked Harry hard on the ass, which made a sharp SMACK, causing nearby students to look at the Sluts with apprehension.  
  
"I..," Seamus said silkily, "Can fuck who the hell I want, Vixen, even you. Observe."  
  
He grabbed Parvati's left hand and took the Butterbeer out of the other one, placing it on a nearby table.  
  
Parvati's breath was now coming through in sharp shudders.  
  
He leant in and, with such skill, kissed Parvati senseless. His tongue did a sort of a jig inside her mouth and Parvati's heart was racing so fast, it was as if she'd run a mile.  
  
"You see, Potter?" he said, pulling away from the almost fainting Parvati, "I just kissed another Slut - Care to challenge?"  
  
Harry looked Seamus up and down, and smiling devilishly, let out an appreciative sigh.  
  
"Well, let's see shall we?" Seamus continued, apparently not satisfied with the Viridian Vixen's wordless approval.  
  
He walked up to Harry, and giving him a quick grin, dug his hand into Harry's underpants, which were under the lower part of the dress robes. Seamus rummaged around for a while, as Harry let out a yelp, making a few heads turn.  
  
"AHA!" He said finally, retracting his hand from Harry's very stiff nethers, "I see that I succeeded in TURNING YOU ON!"  
  
Parvati had now walked over to Ernie Macmillan, looking positively scandalised.  
  
"Oh just shut up and kiss me!" Harry declared and pulled Seamus to him, ending in a very wet, sloppy kiss - if I was there, I'd get everyone to look because I hate the Sluts, myself :(.  
  
Anyways. what happened next? Oh yes! Well Harry and Seamus kissed and kissed, FINALLY receiving disapproving looks from other students, and a few homophobic catcalls. (I wish it was me who told everyone about these two faggots kissing, but unfortunately I don't attend Snog-Whore's *sigh* but it was lil Dennis Creevey who noticed first).  
  
All the attention attracted Professor Flitwick, McGonagall and Snape.  
  
"Potter! Finnigan!" Professor McGonagall barked, "Stop this homosexual show of emotion at once!"  
  
The two broke apart and Seamus gave McGonagall a smile which made her cheeks go rather pink.  
  
"Boys, you know you should keep your sexuality to the lewdness to a minimum, especially faggoty nonsense like that!" Professor Flitwick squeaked.  
  
Harry smiled at Professor Flitwick, and after a short pause, swooped down and hugged the tiny professor.  
  
Flitwick was all the more bemused by this, "Oi! Just because I'm small and cute, doesn't mean you can hug me in a condescending manner!"  
  
But Flitwick's angry behaviour only made everyone say "Awwwww!" all the more and before he knew it, girls were queuing up to hug and kiss the lil professor. Awww I wish I was there, to hug cute lil Flitwick! Bless him, so cute!  
  
"I suggest you take your homosexual behaviour OUTSIDE, Potter," Snape said in a depressed tone.  
  
"Y-Yes Professor!" He laughed, and taking Seamus' hand, he led him out of the Great Hall, "Come on, babe."  
  
As Harry and Seamus made their way out of the Hall, Lavender, who was Harry's girlfriend (Well if you call a slag who sleeps with Harry more often than other girls a girlfriend) gave him a disgruntled look.  
  
"I think Miss Brown is getting jealous," Seamus laughed.  
  
Harry sniggered, still holding Seamus' hand, "Yeah, she's jealous of me!"  
  
"So anyhoo," Seamus asked, more seriously, letting go of Harry's hand, "Where's this place you're taking me?"  
  
Harry had led Seamus to the Oaken Front Doors, and slowly a malicious smile formed on his face.  
  
"You ever had sex.. outside, Adonis?" Harry asked in a silky voice.  
  
Seamus looked aghast at the mere thought of outdoor sex, but then his randy mind, with a mix of teenage hormones and a LOT of Butterbeer made him like the idea.  
  
"Hmm," he said thoughtfully, taking Harry's hang again and stepping outside into the warm summer night, "You'll have to make me like it, Vixen. I want you to hurt me... show me how to.."  
  
Harry paused, halfway down the stone steps to the lake and trees of the Forbidden Forest, "Show you how to what?"  
  
Seamus rolled his eyes and slapped Harry across the face, "Are you some kind of fucking retard? Does nothing penetrate that fucked up skull of yours?"  
  
"Fuck you!" Harry yelled, pushing Seamus hard on the chest, "Fuck you, fuck your stupid idea of sex, fuck you're sexy Irish accent.. Your t-tight ass.. Your washboard abs.."  
  
But Harry stopped talking because Seamus had grabbed Harry and was now French-kissing him so intensely that a passing crowd of Ravenclaw boys make puking gestures.  
  
"FAGGOT!" they heard one of them call as they made their way to the Forest.  
  
"Don't mind him," Harry said hurriedly, "He's just a bitch."  
  
Seamus laughed, "You fucking faggot!"  
  
They sat down by a beech tree, which was well hidden from the grounds, but not too close to the Forest - however this still worried Harry.  
  
"Oh wait!" Harry said suddenly, and taking out his wand, he waved and pointed it at Seamus and then himself, whilst saying, "Commutatus decorus!"  
  
In an instant, Harry and Seamus were both wearing cowboy hats, white leather boots, white thongs, white leather gloves and a scarlet neckscarf.  
  
"What the fuck?" Seamus exclaimed looking at his new attire.  
  
"I just have a fetish for cowboys..and nurses for that matter."  
  
"Um.. Alrighty then!"  
  
Harry sat down on the patch of grass under the beech tree and, seductively roving his legs apart, he stared up at the rather bemused Seamus.  
  
Seamus paused for a second, and then he suddenly yelled "Oh fuck me hard, Potter, it IS hot!"  
  
And swiftly he swooped down on Harry, and kissed him passionately, tongues snaking in and out of each other. Their hips were now connected and Harry could feel a hard-on making its way slowly to the top.  
  
Now if I was there, yep good old, Alexei James, I'D tell everyone in the school about their lil cosy kiss, cuz I think you know by now, I HATE the Viridian Vixen!  
  
"Ohhh Harry, touch me - I wanna be dirty!" Seamus breathed in Harry's very pink ear.  
  
"Ohhhhhhhhhh Fuck, Seamus!" Harry whispered as Seamus made another attempt to clutch Harry's nether regions.  
  
Seamus pulled his hand out of Harry's thong and sat up onto Harry's stomach.  
  
Harry smiled wickedly and slowly but surely, he pulled Seamus' thong off..  
  
Now at this point, I of all people would have died right there and then, because Seamus' cock is like.. 'HOLY SHIT!'  
  
It was protruding in front of him like some sort of a sword (Alexei laughs to himself, thinking about what a fucked up mind he has) and his balls hanging down like.. Um.. What do balls look like readers? Like... *sighs thoughtfully* stones inside Tesco bags! LOL shut up - I'm only 16!  
  
"Fuck!" Harry exclaimed staring at Seamus' Irish sensation (LOL Sensation!).  
  
Seamus pulled his gloves off, but kept the boots on. Now, he leant over and kissed Harry again.  
  
Man what a faggot! Okay I'll stop talking now, but if you must know, the author is rather surprised by how much he knows about sex ;).  
  
Seamus moved back and whipped Harry's thong off and slapped it hard across his chest with a CRACK!  
  
A few Hippogriffs flew out of a nearby tree at this sound.  
  
"Hey Potter, ready to get.." he slapped it against Harry's chest this time, "Kin-kay?"  
  
"Oh fuck yes, Seamus, YES!" Harry's hands were massaging Seamus' body now, and he was so hard that he could have held up a stack of CD's with his cock. (Okay I haven't tried that myself, but if any guys are reading, and they try it, tell me what happened).  
  
Seamus conjured some lubricant out of thin air with a wave of his wand (HAHA! *sing-song* Gay people have to use lubricant!).  
  
He squeezed some of it onto his hand, and Harry twitching beneath him, he applied generous amounts of it to his outstretched dick. He moaned at the degree of pleasure the mere application of this shit was giving him. (Visualize this people, he's a hot, blonde, Irish cowboy with a rather stiff penis). Tee hee hee, I'm mad!  
  
He stood up and moved to Harry's feet. There, he took hold of Harry's legs and, after applying some lubricant to Harry's asshole type thing, (I dunno what you call it!) he slid his cock in gracefully with a short moan of pleasure.  
  
Now with his dick inside Harry, he began a steady movement of rocking back and forth, back and forth, occasionally letting out a moan of sheer enjoyment.  
  
Wow, Seamus thought, I'm fucking Harry Potter, whoa I feel like such a fucking slut!  
  
"Ohhhhhh," Seamus moaned, "You're guts feel so good around me tool!"  
  
Harry glared at him worriedly, "Um.. don't ever say that again, okay?"  
  
Seamus just laughed, not taking notice of the fact that Harry's cock was going limp.  
  
And then, suddenly, Seamus felt it, coming up through his balls like those stones in Tesco shopping bags, as they banged against Harry's ass in every movement. He could tell it was gonna be huge.. So plentiful... fuck he could impregnate all the girls in Gryffindor with all this jizz!  
  
"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Seamus roared into the night, "Ohhhhhh baby YEAH! Oh FUCK! SHIT! FUCK YOU POTTER!"  
  
Seamus slid his cock out of Harry's derriere and, slowly crawling to him, he kissed Harry on the lips, deeply, passionately. (Oh so THIS is how the happy people remain happy, says Alexei making a mental note to himself).  
  
But then, out of the trees came a rustling (The trees were a-rustling! Alexei says to himself). Harry and Seamus stopped, mid-kiss and pulled apart, staring at one another cautiously - Seamus' cowboy hat was still on, and Harry was still a bit randy.  
  
"Shhh," Seamus held up a finger to his lips, "Did you hear that?"  
  
Suddenly, out of the trees near where Harry and Seamus lay, sweating and naked, came Miss Laura Lustful, closely followed by.. Oh let's say a Ravenclaw Prefect, who Harry knew by fuck but not by name.  
  
Yes, Harry thought, this is the same guy who sucked me off once after that really uneventful Potions class.  
  
Harry winked at the Prefect who blushed and looked to his feet, Parvati looked at the two guys and could immediately feel her vagina moistening beneath her dress robes.  
  
"Hey Miss L," Seamus said with a smile, "Care to join us?"  
  
"I-I-I," Parvati seemed to have lost the ability to talk.  
  
"Hi," the Ravenclaw Prefect said directly to Seamus, eyeing his ass which was clenched tight in the moonlight, "I'm Cox, Seymour Cox."  
  
"Seymour eh?" Harry said from where he lay, he was oblivious to the fact that his penis was on show to everyone, unlike Seamus who lay on his stomach, "I've had the.. Er-hem.. PLEASURE of meeting you before haven't I?"  
  
Seymour choked on his own saliva and stumbled backwards, catching sight of Harry's cock and feeling his own 'staff' throbbing beneath his dress robes.  
  
"Come on, Parvati, join us," Harry said seductively, "I really wanna Seymour Cox.."  
  
"You wanna what?.. uh oh right - ha-ha! You're name is a prank call!" Parvati said in a mock singsong voice to Seymour.  
  
Parvati and Seymour looked one another and immediately began to tear each other's robes off with the occasionally random primal roar. (Haha, I'm off my rocker!)  
  
They got down onto the grass where Harry and Seamus lay, and Parvati, wasting no time, pulled a condom onto Seamus cock, which was once again nice and erect.  
  
"Oh wait Parvati," Seamus said as she slid his cock inside her vagina, and closed her eyes as it touched her clitoris, "I'm all fucked out, you'll have to shag Harry."  
  
Parvati slapped Seamus across the face and said, "No! You're fucking ME, okay? I want you inside me tonight, bitch!"  
  
And with that, she conjured up ropes that bound Seamus' hands and feet together.  
  
"Wha...I..." Seamus was now speechless, but then came out with, "HURT ME YOU SLAG!"  
  
Parvati smiled, and conjuring up a whip, she began to ride the Seamus cowboy.  
  
"Ohh," she moaned, "Impale me, cowboy, ram it! HARDER BITCH HARDER!"  
  
Seamus got extremely randy, and she whipped him across the chest as he let out a moan of both pleasure and pain, which somehow fused together. (NOW you know how sadomasochism works, kids!) ^_^  
  
Meanwhile, Seymour got on top of Harry, and began to nibble his ear, but Harry had other plans, and getting his wand out, he performed a switching spell, and the next moment. Seymour was underneath and Harry was on top.  
  
"I'm gonna rape you, Cox," Harry breathed at him from on top.  
  
And Harry, applying the lubricant to his now expanded dick and spread it all across it. He also put some around the rim of Seymour's anus. (And NOW you know why it's called RIMMING!) ^_^!  
  
He rammed his tool into Seymour's ass and began that same rhythmic movement that Seamus had performed on him, and yeh soon they came and came and came. LOL I bet real gay sex isn't half as fun as this. =P  
  
Anyways, Seamus feel the orgasm in his balls, coming up through his sperm ducts and via his vas deferens, finally emerging out of his urethra.  
  
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" He moaned into the night, "Ahhh, Miss Lustful, you slut!"  
  
He stroked Parvati's long hair as she got up off his cock and lay down on his chest.  
  
"You're so hot, you know that?" Parvati asked him, lying next to him.  
  
He laughed, "Yeh, I do."  
  
Parvati suddenly got up, dressed in a flash and pointed her wand at Seamus' crotch.  
  
"W-What are you doing?" Seamus asked suddenly, Harry and Seymour were now in each other's arms, sweaty and shaking.  
  
"I am going to teach you a lesson, you arrogant, pompous sexually attractive bitch," and with a malicious smile, she pointed at Seamus crotch and muttered, "ALOHOMORA!"  
  
And in an instant, his lags spread wide apart, baring his ass.  
  
Parvati blew the end of her wand dramatically and strode away into the night.  
  
For the next few day, Seamus walked around with his legs spread wide apart. LOL  
  
Well that's what you get for being an arrogant, cock sexy boy. ^_^ I'm just a lil ray of sunshine - me! 


	3. Flower in the Shower

LOL okay, if u read the second chapter, you'll realise we've already covered the Sodomy part of SnogWhore's School, so now we get to the Bitchcraft! We hey! Basically, it's dominant lesbian story, with the ravishing Lavender Brown, and a new mate of hers *wink wink* As you may or may not know, lavender is a type of flower, & as it will be set in a bathroom, I thought to call it 'Flower in the Shower' - Geddit? Anyways, I want your reviews so REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!  
  
Ooh and I'd like to thank BEAn, Ivory Tower and Lyn for their reviews. ^_^  
  
Alexei Noire xXx  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flower in the Shower~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Omg I'm in SUCH a mood for a lesbian story, I just been watching Queer as Folk ya see and I got some *er-hem* 'inspiration' from it. Rated 'R' for Randy content, including strong language and graphic lesbian sex depictions. BYE!  
  
LB&LB&LB&LB&LB&LB&LB&LB&LB&LB&LB&LB&LB&LB&LB&LB&LB  
  
Lavender and her new friend from Ravenclaw are sitting underneath a pine tree near the Lake in the SnogWhore's grounds. (Hehe I always make Ravenclaws up for sex!) Her friend has silvery blonde hair, and injects herself every two weeks with 'Veela Serum' - meh, they don't have heroin in the Wizarding world. She's skinny and studious *sigh* a bit like me!  
  
"Hey Lavender, you done with Hogwarts: A History yet?" Lavender's friend asked.  
  
Lavender smiled and handed the book over, "Heh, you shoulda told me earlier, Yura, I wasn't actually reading it - I only borrowed it from the Library to show that Granger that I wasn't stupid. My boyfriend IS pretty stupid though."  
  
Yura laughed, "Harry Potter? I think he's quite hot actually."  
  
Lavender put her hand against Yura's cheek and whispered, "Not as hot as you, Miss Wych."  
  
Yura swallowed hard, "I-I... LAVENDER!" she pushed Lavender's hand away from her face and sat cross-legged, blushing furiously and opening a Transfiguration book, pretending to read it.  
  
"Don't tell me you haven't ever looked at another girl in a sexual way before - it's only natural," Lavender asked casually.  
  
Yura cleared her throat, "I hope you'd stop talking on the subject of Sapphism."  
  
Lavender laughed, stretching out her thin, graceful legs in front of her, making sure they were visible to a trembling Yura.  
  
"Call it by its proper name - lesbianism. And why don't you wanna talk about it?" Lavender pursued the previous thread of conversation, "I personally find it VERY interesting."  
  
Yura pulled her bra up, making her breasts even more prominent than ever, man they must be Double Ds!  
  
"You'll end up like those t.A.T.u. girls - foreign and annoying," she said in a meek little voice.  
  
Lavender laughed, "Well the t.A.T.u. girls are actually quite popular," she had her gaze fixed upon Yura's silvery hair, "and anyway, they're just Muggles, unlike us.."  
  
Yura suddenly stood up, gathered her books with a Summoning Charm and made for the castle.  
  
"Meet me in the Hall after the feast tonight!" Lavender called to her.  
  
Yura waved her hand in an incomprehensible manner.  
  
On the way up to the Ravenclaw Common Room, Yura bumped into someone, causing all her books to fly out of her arms.  
  
"Oh sorry there, Yura," Professor Dumbledore smiled at her behind his half moon spectacles, his purple robes alight with curiosity.  
  
"Oh my Lord, I am so sorry, Professor!" Yura said, shaking and bending down to pick up the books she had dropped.  
  
Professor Dumbledore picked all her books up with a wave of his wand.  
  
"Thanks, Headmaster," Yura said, looking at the floor.  
  
"You seem troubled, young Yura," Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling.  
  
"Meh, it's nothing," she said casually.  
  
"Oh, I see you're worried about being friends with a dyke?"  
  
"How.. Lavender?"  
  
"Well I don't have to use a cloak to make myself invisible, Yura," he said, his blue eyes twinkling.  
  
"You-you've been spying on Lavender?" she said, outraged.  
  
"I didn't say that, Miss Wych," he said.  
  
"Yes you did! You spied on Lavender!"  
  
"Leamme Alone!" Professor Dumbledore cried and pushed Yura into a passing Hufflepuff, and ran off up the marble staircase.  
  
Yura was speechless.  
  
_____________________________________________________________________  
  
That night, after the feast, Lavender and Parvati stood at the bottom of the marble staircase.  
  
"Hey Parvati, when you gonna let me join the SLUTs?" Lavender asked her, in an offhand mannerism.  
  
Parvati laughed, "It's not something you choose to enter, you have to get chosen."  
  
"By whom?"  
  
"The sexiest boy in school of course!" Parvati said, blushing.  
  
"What? That sociopath, my boyfriend?" she asked still looking around.  
  
"No, by Draco Malfoy of course!" Parvati said haughtily, "And also by me, seeing as I was CHOSEN as the sexiest girl in school."  
  
Lavender laughed, "Yeah but you never sleep with girls do you? The guys in SLUTs sleep with other guys too you know."  
  
Parvati eyed Lavender angrily, "We're not all dykes like you, Brown."  
  
Lavender gasped, and giving Parvati a reproving glare, turned her back to her.  
  
"Lavender, I'd choose you, if you weren't so.. so.."  
  
"So - what?" Lavender asked irritably, still facing away from her.  
  
"Well, so GAY!"  
  
Lavender turned around to face Parvati, and stuck her middle finger up at her, "Fuck you, you tight-assed, pure blood bitch!"  
  
And with that, she strode off up the staircase and stood rooted at the top.  
  
After a few minutes, Yura arrived at the bottom of the marble staircase, and catching sight of Parvati, she made her way towards her.  
  
"Hey, do you know where Lavender's gone?" Yura asked, "She asked me to wait for her here after the feast."  
  
Parvati looked her up and down, "And you actually CAME?" she laughed derisively, "Well, that Sapphist is standing at the top of the marble staircase, but go at your own peril!"  
  
Yura just looked at Parvati in a puzzled manner.  
  
"What's your name, kid?" Parvati added, as Yura began to climb the stairs.  
  
"Yura, Yura Wych," she said, already ascending.  
  
"Yes I know I'm a witch, but what's your name?"  
  
But Yura didn't answer her, she hated it when people did that, why did her parents have to fucking name her 'Yura'?  
  
When she finally reached the top of the marble staircase, she saw Lavender stood leaning against a suit of armour, arms folded, scowling at the wall.  
  
"L-Lavender?" Yura asked cautiously.  
  
Lavender's expression changed abruptly to a smile, "Yura! You came! I was so angry at Parvati, I forgot why I was stood up here in the first place. But oh, you're here now!"  
  
"God, you really are queer," she said quietly.  
  
"Meh, there's more dykes in the school than you could possibly imagine, now come on!"  
  
Lavender took hold of Yura's hand, and jostling through the crowds, she ran in the direction of Gryffindor Tower.  
  
"Whoa, where are we going?" Yura called through the disgruntled students.  
  
"We need to find Granger, she's a Prefect after all," she yelled without turning back.  
  
They ran through several student, all of whom were coming back up from finishing the feast, and finally they came to the painting of the Fat Lady.  
  
"Why are we here?" Yura asked curiously.  
  
Lavender suddenly realised that Yura didn't know about the secret entrance to Gryffindor Tower, and realising this, she pulled her towards a painting further on of some singing fruit.  
  
"Now hide behind this suit of armour, okay?" Lavender said to her, then, after a kiss on the lips, she ran back to the Fat Lady.  
  
"Password?" she asked.  
  
"Tetramorph," she whispered so that Yura wouldn't hear.  
  
The portrait swung forward to reveal the circular entrance to the Gryffindor common room, at the corner stood Harry and Ron, but there was no sign on Hermione.  
  
Lavender walked over to where Harry and Ron were stood.  
  
"Hey babe," Harry said putting an arm around her waist.  
  
"Hey," she said, putting her arms around his neck and kissing him, "Do you know where Granger's gotten to?"  
  
"Hermione?" Ron asked, puzzled, "I haven't seen her since the feast, but she said she'd pay the House Elves a visit before coming up."  
  
"Why?" Lavender asked him irritably.  
  
"Well you know what she's like about those House Elves being captive," Ron said with an air of pride.  
  
At that moment, the portrait swung forward and Hermione stumbled in, talking and laughing merrily with Parvati Patil.  
  
"Hi, baby doll," Ron said, hugging her.  
  
"I told you never to call me that," Hermione said, sternly.  
  
Ron laughed and kissed her, "Sorry Poopy Dolly."  
  
"That's better," she said, smiling.  
  
"Hey, Hermione," Lavender said, ignoring Parvati, who was stood next to her, "Can I talk to you?"  
  
"Umm sure," she said, pinching Ron's cheek and following Lavender to the fireplace.  
  
Parvati began to engage Harry in conversation now.  
  
"Hey, you're a Prefect, right?" Lavender asked her, making sure she out of earshot of any eavesdroppers, casting a scathing look towards Ginny and the Creevey brothers who were obviously talking about her.  
  
"Glad to see you've noticed," Hermione said without smiling.  
  
"Well you know you have your own bathroom that Prefects can use exclusively?"  
  
Hermione did not say anything, but stared at Lavender, as if daring her to continue.  
  
"Well, can you give me the password to it please?"  
  
Hermione laughed derisively, "Give YOU the password to the Prefect's Bathroom! Hah! Miss Brown, do you really think so little of me?"  
  
"Oh please!" she said, as Hermione got up and began to make her way back to Ron and Harry.  
  
"No! You have your own bathrooms, go use them!"  
  
"Bitch," she breathed as Hermione put her arms around Ron, who was sat in a squashy leather chair by the window.  
  
"I heard that," Ron said jovially, "And I can tell you now, I am no bitch."  
  
He winked at her, munching a Chocolate Frog.  
  
Suddenly Lavender was struck by inspiration.  
  
"Oh Ron," she said silkily, sitting down in front of him, "What's the password to the Prefect's Bathroom?"  
  
Ron stared at her cautiously, "Why would you want to know that? I barely ever go in there - it takes ages for the tub to fill up, and once I walked in on Malfoy and Harry here playing tonsil hockey."  
  
Harry laughed, and said reminiscently, "Ah that was a good night!"  
  
"Harry! A word!" Lavender grabbed Harry's arm and hoisted him off his armchair, which Parvati quickly swooped on before he could come back.  
  
"What?" Harry said through a mouthful of Honeydukes Fudge, "I told you about that night, Draco and I were.. just having some harmless fun."  
  
"No, not THAT, you numbskull, I know that you and Draco fuck like rabbits," she said tetchily, "Tell me the password to the Prefect's Bathroom."  
  
"Hehe, why didn't you say so?" Harry laughed, swallowing his fudge, "It's 'Cistern Ice'."  
  
Lavender hugged Harry and kissed him so passionately and deeply, his eyes widened in horror.  
  
"Thank you, Thank You!" She called running out of the common room.  
  
She ran to the place she'd left Yura, but she wasn't there.  
  
"Yura?" she called, "YURA!"  
  
Behind her, the wall shook and Lavender saw Yura materialize out of the walls.  
  
"How." she began to ask.  
  
"It's a secret, bequeathed unto none other but us Ravenclaws," she said, smiling at her, "Was that the entrance to your common room? Heh, 'Tetramorph' eh?"  
  
"How.."  
  
"I'm not stupid, Lavender," she said grinning with a knowing smile, "I am in Ravenclaw after all, you should see OUR common room, the entrance is slightly more impressive."  
  
"I-I-.."  
  
Lavender seemed completely lost for words.  
  
"Anyway, let's go to the Prefect's Bathroom, and we can have some *er-hem* 'fun' there!" Yura said cheekily.  
  
Lavender nodded and followed her to the Statue of Boris the Bewildered.  
  
"HAH!" Yura laughed, "look at this guy, he has his gloves on the wrong way round!"  
  
She pointed to the statue and giggled.  
  
"Okay, it's the fourth door to the left of this statue.. Ah! Here it is!" Yura declared.  
  
Lavender walked forward, "Cistern Ice."  
  
The door creaked open, and the girls ran inside, giggling.  
  
Lavender bolted the door and hastily tore her robes off, down to her thong.  
  
Yura kept her bra on (well you would too, with boobs that big!) but that was all she kept on.  
  
Lavender smiled at Yura and, making sure her boobs touched Yura's, she kissed her passionately, tongues snaking in and out of each other.  
  
When they pulled apart, Yura was stood twitching on the spot. Everyone who had kissed Lavender knew that although she wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, she was one hell of a kisser.  
  
"Umm," Yura said, coming out of her pleasant reverie, "How-how are we gonna fuck?"  
  
Lavender laughed, making Yura blush.  
  
"Well think about it, Lavender, we're girls, I mean what fun can we possible have together, unless it's simple fingering and licking."  
  
"Well why not?" Lavender asked from across the marble bathroom, "And anyway, I have a plan up my sleeve."  
  
"You do?" Yura asked, turning more taps until the bath was almost full.  
  
Lavender laughed and showed her a small leather bag that was inside her robe pocket.  
  
"What's in the bag?" Yura asked, slipping into the bath, now taking off her bra and swimming a bit in the pool.  
  
Lavender pulled out a long and thin, rubbery looking object which looked a lot like a shoe scoop thingy (I dunno!) ^_^  
  
"What in the Unholy name of the Demon Azazel is THAT?" Yura exclaimed, pointing at the long rubbery object.  
  
Lavender laughed, a cruel, cold, bitter laugh, which echoed off the marble walls of the bathroom.  
  
"Shhhh, you'll wake someone, you daft mare!" Yura hissed.  
  
Lavender crawled to the side of the pool where Yura stood, boobs hanging down *Alexei drools* and said, "This, is a vibrator."  
  
There was silence.  
  
"A what?" Yura asked, perplexed.  
  
"Well, it's a Muggle sex toy used by lesbians, teachers and loners," Lavender said with relish, "but it runs off batteries, which won't work with all the magic in the air, so I have to use a simple Vibrating Charm."  
  
She pointed her wand at the vibrator and muttered, "Agito!"  
  
The vibrator began to. um well vibrate. (Alexei smiles to himself; damn I have a nice ass!) ^_^  
  
Lavender giggled, and slid into the tub, whipping off her thong, she put her arms around Yura and rammed the Vibrator into her vagina.  
  
"AAAAAHHHH!" Yura screamed in pleasure.  
  
Then Lavender fixed her own vagina on top of the vibrator, which was vibrating so furiously that there were bubbles coming from where it was underneath the surface of the water.  
  
"Oh shit this is good, FUCK THIS IS GOOD!" Lavender screamed, and began to move her hips back and forth in the bath.  
  
Lavender and Yura's boobs were bumping into each other madly, and the orgasmic screams in the bathroom were so much, that even I, Alexei James, who doesn't get turned on by ANYTHING, would quiver in my boots.  
  
Then Lavender could feel it coming, oh shit she could feel it, ohhh her ass was so tight!  
  
She grabbed Yura's really tight ass and clenched it tight as she came...  
  
"SHIIIIIIIIIIIT!" she yelled, "FUCK! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK! FU-U-UCK!"  
  
"Oh shit baby, kiss me," Yura moaned, and she leant in to kiss Lavender, letting her tongue snake in and out of her mouth.  
  
"No - more!" she declared, and kissed Lavender so passionately that her tongue did the Riverdance inside Lavender's mouth.  
  
Yura then got up out of the bath and sat on the side, her enormous breasts hanging before like beach balls (Alexei drools yet again).  
  
Lavender swum towards her, and pulling Yura's hips closer to her, she began to lick her out.  
  
Lavender's tongue did the Samba up Yura's vagina, did the Tango on her clitoris and break danced on her labia, until she could taste the sweet vagina fluid that she lapped like a hungry puppy. (God, somewhere in the world, someone's head is exploding).  
  
"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Yura roared, "You bitch! You.. you..exquisite little tart!"  
  
Lavender took her lips away from Yura's pussy and smiled up at her. She kissed her labia once more and climbed out of the tub. She kissed Yura's neck, and bit it gently, leaving a vampire-like bite mark.  
  
Lavender giggled and lay down upon the cold marble tiles on the side of the pool, and held her legs high in the air.  
  
"Spread em," Yura said sexually, "I said SPREAD EM BITCH!"  
  
Lavender lowered her legs and began to spread them slowly, but then she closed them again.  
  
Yura smiled, and pointing her wand at Lavender's crotch, she muttered, "Alohomora!"  
  
Suddenly, Lavender's legs sprang apart, revealing her very red vagina.  
  
Lavender gasped as Yura slipped her finger into Lavender's pussy.  
  
"Ohhhhhh!" Lavender moaned, "Oh shit yeah! Further, dammit, FURTHER!!"  
  
Yura then slid all five fingers into Lavender's pussy hole, and soon enough, her fist was dancing in and out of Lavender's crotch hole.  
  
At that moment, they heard someone mutter "Cistern Ice" outside, and the girls froze in horror.  
  
The door creaked open, and in walked a thin boy with messy black hair, wearing a Nirvana hoody and carrying a Machete.  
  
The boy paused, looking from the tub to the two naked girls and shuddered.  
  
"Who are you?" Lavender asked, her legs outstretched.  
  
"I-I.." he trailed off, "I'm called Alexei, but most people just call me the Author."  
  
Yura looked up, "Oh so YOU'RE the one that gave me such a stupid name!"  
  
"I chose that name for pure comedy value!"  
  
"You are going to change my name RIGHT NOW!" Yura yelled.  
  
"Okay okay!" he got out a fountain pen, and wrote the word "AMELIE" into the air.  
  
And in true Violet Baudelaire style, she stumbled over, hair blowing in the other direction to the fall, and fell with a thump onto the marble tiles.  
  
"What have you done to her?" Lavender asked, eyeing the new girl, who was dressed in a green evening dress and had short hair.  
  
"Bonjour, mademoiselle," Amelie said jovially, "Ou est-ce que vous, et moi?"  
  
"Vous est en une toilette, Amelie," Alexei replied.  
  
"Why is she French?" Lavender asked.  
  
"Because Amelie is a French character, duh!"  
  
"Umm, why do you have a Machete?" Lavender asked.  
  
"That's none of your goddamn business, motherfucker!" I yelled. (Oooh I'm referring to me as I now!) ^_^  
  
She put up her middle finger, but Alexei clicked his fingers and in a flurry of feathers, she turned into a lavender flower, growing out of the tiles.  
  
"Quest-ce que vous faire?" Amelie asked from the floor.  
  
"God you're just full of questions aren't you?" Alexei asked, "Hmm I have an idea!"  
  
And so he clapped his hands together, and in the place where Amelie Poulain had been sitting, appeared the ravishingly resplendent US actress, Julia Roberts.  
  
Alexei almost fainted, but he walked over and offered her a hand to pull her up.  
  
"Whoa, where am I?" she asked.  
  
"You're at Hogwarts, Julia," Alexei said, blushing furiously.  
  
"Hmm okay, but like how.."  
  
"Shhhh," Alexei interrupted, "Don't spoil the moment, and with a click of his fingers, Julia was dressed in a deep red evening dress, and he was wearing those tuxedo type things.  
  
He clicked his fingers yet again and, suddenly, the bathroom rang with the sound of 'Dancing in the Moonlight'.  
  
"Shall we?" he asked, offering a hand to Julia.  
  
She took his hand and they began a slow dance, Alexei clicked his fingers and suddenly Michael Jackson and Paula Abdul appeared, and began to dance to entertain.  
  
And so endeth a perfect evening, with a deep kiss from the woman of his dreams. Alexei and Julia danced the night away....*sighs dreamily*  
  
.What? Oh right yes! Course, Well Alexei was kind enough to change Lavender and Yura back, and so the girls continued their physical relationship, with occasional helping hands from Harry Potter.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~#  
  
There's only one more chapter left in these stories, it's not that impressive but I could write more than that if you just say the word.  
  
And thanks Lyn for all your reviews! :D  
  
Alexei Noire xXx 


	4. New Slut on the Block

LOL We all know about the infamous sub group the 'Sluts' at Hogwarts, which include Draco Malfoy, Parvati Patil, Harry Potter and Seamus Finnigan. But what if there was someone just as kinky as them in the school that they never knew about? Hehe my mind flies through the skies in a cardboard box with wings sumtimes! ^_^  
  
I'd like to thank Lyn, soccer-chick250 and an anonymous reviewer who wishes to be known as ;) for their reviews.  
  
Alexei Noire xXx  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~New Slut on the Block~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
It's a sunny day upon the SnogWhore's Grounds, and four people are stood in a huddle talking together. These people consist of the most sexually potent students at SnogWhore's School of Bitchcraft and Sodomy.  
  
They are: Draco Malfoy, a tall, slim guy of Slytherin. Wrought from the depths of the Black and Malfoy loins, he comes out as a gorgeous, blonde stud. He still slicks his hair back, but as Padma Patil once said in a drunken stupor - "It makes you look KEE-YUTE!" The other Slut members know Draco as Sir Flimsy Frivolous, and he is the chief Slut.  
  
Parvati Patil stands in the arms of her apparent beau, Seamus Finnigan. Her long black hair flows behind her like some sort of dark waterfall, and her skinny figure is firmly held in the Irish beau's arms. Although Parvati, better known as Miss Laura Lustful, is in such a position to appear as if Mr Finnigan is her boyfriend, this is not strictly true. Like the other members of Sluts, she is wretchedly promiscuous, and thus has no steady boy.  
  
Harry Potter, tall, cute, dazzling green eyes and a scar to match stood tall leaning against a nearby tree, underneath which he had had a very hot night with Seamus. The memory of this night still brought about a flutter in the region of his stomach. Harry is known to the others as Viridian Vixen, because of his emerald eyes. Harry is meant to be going out with Lavender Brown, a dim-witted individual who is lesbian for the better part of her life, much to Harry's delight.  
  
And finally, Seamus Finnigan, fairly hot tall Irish blondie, with his arms wrapped around Parvati in a... erm mannish way? (I WUD say 'muscly arms' but it sounds a bit corny and I'm not going to make this into some kinda cheeky slash with Harry and Draco, ok?) Mr Finnigan is better known as Alluring Adonis.  
  
*Alexei laughs to himself for no apparent reason*  
  
And here the story beginneth...  
  
The group were talking animatedly about last night's sex, particularly Draco who seemed to have me someone that had given him the hottest fuck he had received since Padma Patil.  
  
"I swear, for a Mudblood, she's SUCH a tight assed bitch," Draco said excited, "she tore my clothes off, then tied a dog collar round my neck and then..."  
  
"Then what?" Parvati asked.  
  
"Yeah tell us!" Harry said, giving Draco a kiss on the neck. (LOL haha! I swear there is no Harry/Draco Slash!)  
  
"You better fuck me after you tell this story Malfoy," Seamus said from behind Parvati, "'Cause I'm getting SUCH a hard on!"  
  
Draco laughed and pushed the kissing Harry into the nearest bush.  
  
"As I was saying, she tied me up, and then she, asked me to bend over," Draco licked his lips with relish.  
  
"Yeah, and then what?" Seamus asked as the disgruntled Harry disentangled himself from the bush.  
  
"She..." all eyes were on him, Seamus and Parvati leaned in closer, and Harry began to slap his thigh in frustration, "SPANKED ME!"  
  
Seamus and Parvati sighed and looked at each other, then kissed. Draco ran his hand along Parvati's bare legs and Harry began to sniff the grass nearby.  
  
Suddenly, a thin figure just streaked by the Sluts, shrieking "OOH! SHINEY!"  
  
"Hey Harry, isn't that your girlfriend?" Draco asked, looking towards Lavender who was trying to catch hold of the Sun.  
  
"I almost have it!" she yelled, jumping up and down excitedly.  
  
Harry looked up from the ground where he was sniffing and barked at Lavender.  
  
Seamus looked at Parvati, "Peas in a pod, them two."  
  
Parvati laughed as Harry got up and grabbed Lavender by the waist, dragging her down onto the grass.  
  
Lavender began mooing in a loud, annoying voice.  
  
"What a fucking pair of weirdoes," Draco spat, catching sight of them, now holding hands and skipping in circles.  
  
"We're off to see the Wizard the Wonderful Wizard of Oz!" they sang stupidly.  
  
At that moment, Luna Lovegood came out of the castle, walking down the steps and eyeing Harry and Lavender peculiarly.  
  
"LOOK IT'S LOONY LOOPY LOVEGOOD!" Harry yelled, pointing at Luna.  
  
They ran towards her and began dancing around her.  
  
"Join us Looooona!!" Lavender said madly.  
  
Luna had a disgusted look upon her face and replied, "You fucking freaks, get a life!"  
  
And with that, she walked off towards to Lake to look for Crumple Horned Snorcacks.  
  
The Sluts' attention was drawn towards a large figure and a tiny one emerging from Hagrid's hut.  
  
"Ohh Hagrid that was GOOD!" Ginny Weasley said, sighing breathlessly.  
  
Hagrid laughed and bent down to give the red haired girl a sloppy kiss.  
  
But then, yet another figure, this time a small squat figure emerged from the hut.  
  
"We've GOT to do this again, Rubeus!" came another voice, and the three Sluts sat under the pine tree were horrified to see that it belonged to their Herbology Teacher, Professor Sprout.  
  
"I think I have something stuck in pants," she said drunkenly - apparently it was a hot (debatably) drunken sexy night. (or day, seeing as the fucking sun is shining down upon Lavender.)  
  
"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Lavender and Harry zoomed across the grounds to the Lake, and began to poke at Luna's ass.  
  
"Get off me you fucking weird freaky punks!" she yelled, batting them away.  
  
"Oh I think I had a bit too much Firewhiskey!" Ginny giggled, smooching Professor Sprout, and walking drunkenly towards the greenhouses. (I don't suppose they're going to be re-potting Mandrakes in there though, do you?) *winks*  
  
"Oh my God," Parvati breathed, and turned to ram her tongue down Seamus throat.  
  
They rolled round on the grass, and Draco, noticing them, crawled over and slapped Seamus ass hard.  
  
Seamus moaned, mid-kiss to acknowledge the smack and soon darkness fell, and they went inside the castle.  
  
_____________________________________________________________________  
  
"Hey Dray," Hermione's voice washed over the blonde like a cool spray.  
  
She walked around the room, as Draco lay tied to the bed, completely naked, with his *er-hem!* Crown Jewels covered with a Wizards hat. She was wearing a tight red leather cat suit, and a scarlet mask to match. In her slender fingers was grasped a riding crop, one to WHIP! Draco's finely toned ass with.  
  
"You've been a baaaad boy, Mr Malfoy," she said silkily in her sweet, unctuous voice.  
  
"Hell yes I have, Miss!" Draco yelled.  
  
"SILENCE!" Hermione screamed, whipping Draco hard across the leg. He moaned appreciatively with the pain.  
  
"Do I ...need PUNISHMENT, Miss Granger?" he asked, still tied to the bed.  
  
Hermione smiled widely and jumped onto the bed, crawling nearer to Draco's face.  
  
"You have been a very bad boy," she breathed, nibbling his ear, "you've been sticking things inside me, and now you shall pay."  
  
Shit, Draco thought, she's gunna fuck me so hard I'll lose all my senses.  
  
Hermione positioned her legs over Draco's chest and sat down on him, she grabbed the hat from behind her, and clutched Draco's hardness beneath it, then threw the hat into a corner.  
  
"You're such a naughty boy, Dray," she said in a mock-girly voice.  
  
She shuffled backwards until Draco's hard-on was resting against her crotch. She grinned menacingly and slapped the riding crop against Draco chest, causing him to yell out in pain.  
  
"Damn, that actually hurt, you fucking bitch," he said irritably.  
  
Hermione smiled wider, "Oh we haven't even begun yet, Mr Malfoy."  
  
Draco swallowed hard - what had he let himself in for?  
  
"Don't worry, Judith, I won't go too hard on you," Hermione said, snaking her tongue in and out.  
  
Suddenly, she pulled off her catsuit, revealing a bright red thong and enormous, god not GIGANTIC breasts, boobs, gazumboes, yabbos etc that bounced before her like two sacs of wobbly jelly (Alexei remembers a story he read when he was young called 'Mrs Wobble the Waitress' and smirks evilly.)  
  
Draco's cock, that had begun to go limp with all the pain began to replenish its former glory and rose high, before her.  
  
She leant down and kissed Draco's muscular abs, and conjured a pot of some brown substance.  
  
"What's that Miss?" Draco asked, with a cute smile upon his face.  
  
"Chocolate Body Paint, my STUDent," she said soothingly.  
  
Draco breathed in deeply and closed his eyes.  
  
Hermione spread the body paint all over his chest, so that a thin layer lay upon his finely toned body.  
  
Smiling, she began to lick it all off, not wasting any, making her way round all the contours of Dray's fit body.  
  
Hermione then stood up and spread her legs slightly to admit Draco's pole into her crevice, and they slid in perfectly together.  
  
Draco moaned loudly as Hermione began to slap him hard across the chest with the riding crop, and although Draco could feel the pain, he also felt the pleasure which began to numb the discomfort - and somehow, the pain and pleasure melded together to something way kinkier than the heart orgasm. (Alexei winks, damn I should stop reading those sex articles!)  
  
She ground her hips into his madly and began to ride Draco, and as if suddenly overcome with an orgasmic inspiration, she conjured a cowboy hat onto Dray's blonde head.  
  
"Ohhhh Miss G, move those hips!" Draco yelled.  
  
"Shut the fuck up, bitch," she replied through hysterical screams.  
  
"Fuck, this is so good, Miss, ride me, dammit RIDE ME!" Draco shrieked.  
  
"Say my name," she breathed, eyes closed, riding Draco's cock.  
  
"What?" Draco asked mid-moan.  
  
"I SAID SAY MY NAME BITCH!"  
  
"HER-MY-Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh-KNEE!" he screamed, as he felt the jizz escape him and his tension release.  
  
"Ohhh fuck, you have a big cock!" Hermione cried, banging her fists into Draco's stomach.  
  
"OW!" Draco shouted, "THAT HURTS BITCH, GET THE FUCK OFF ME!"  
  
But Hermione carried on banging her fists and she eventually came too. (God why do girls have multiple orgasms, when we only have one? :'( )  
  
Hermione slid Draco's cock out of her crevice and changed into her clothes. She untied Draco and slapped his bare ass, throwing him out into the corridor, butt naked with his clothes in his hands.  
  
Some passing Ravenclaw girls winked at Draco and giggled, catching sight of his dick.  
  
_____________________________________________________________________  
  
"I'm telling you she has to join us!" Draco cried, sitting in the Entrance Hall with the other Sluts.  
  
Harry had his hands down Seamus' pants and replied, "I'm not fucking one of my best friends, Dray!"  
  
"Oh come on!" Parvati yelled, "You've slept with her before, AND Ron! In fact Slut members aren't even meant to fuck each other."  
  
"Ohhhh but we do..." Seamus said, coming into his pants.  
  
"Eww!" Harry declared pulling out a soiled hand from the depths of Seamus' boxers.  
  
Parvati laughed and muttered, "Scourgify!" at his hand, and the cum came off.  
  
"Well can she?" Draco asked Parvati.  
  
"Well..." Parvati thought this over, and saw the look upon Draco's face. She liked being the only girl in Sluts and was sure she'd get less attention if Hermione joined them - but then again there are certain things that you can only discuss with a girl, and her dyke friend Lavender didn't really like talking about boys.  
  
She leant forwards and kissed Draco deeply and passionately, snaking her tongue in and out of his mouth, then she pulled away, leaving the stunned Draco.  
  
"Wow... my tongue went on a rollercoaster ride there," he said dizzily, "Potter, she kisses better than your girlfriend..."  
  
"Hermione can join!" Parvati declared.  
  
Harry cheered, and Seamus fell onto the floor. But Draco fell forwards onto Parvati's lap.  
  
"Parvati," he whispered up at her, "I want you and Granger in bed - TOGETHER."  
  
Parvati's eyes widened, "I am NOT sleeping with a girl! That's so gross and icky!"  
  
"But WE sleep with boys," Seamus told her from the floor upon where he sat.  
  
"I know...," she said uncomfortably, "but it's different with girl on girl - we don't have thing to stick into one another."  
  
Harry and Seamus looked at one another, grinning.  
  
"I'll only do it on one condition," she said finally.  
  
"What? Anything!" Draco said, huskily.  
  
Parvati licked her lips and said in a smarmy, unctuous tone, "If Harry and Seamus join us, but also with that new foreign exchange student."  
  
Harry's eyes widened, "Who? Imran Dee? He's perfectly straight though, and I'm not sure his cherry's even been popped yet! I mean he's hot as fuck, but a French Virgin like him..."  
  
"A French Virgin like him," Parvati cut in, "is a perfect challenge for you boys - I'm sure Harry won't find this too difficult, you've been the cause of half the late night sodomy in this school."  
  
Harry blushed, it was true - he HAD made a lot of guys turn gay, or at least horribly confused... he was such a bitch.  
  
"You know, Draco," Harry said turning to face him, "We haven't fucked each other alone yet."  
  
"Of course you haven't!" Seamus yelled, "Sir Flimsy never fucks unless there's at least five people with their genitals on display!"  
  
"I'd be mortally offended by that, but it's actually true," Draco said, getting up and slapping Harry's ass.  
  
_____________________________________________________________________  
  
"Ohh Draco, fuck, push it harder.. HARDER!" Harry moaned from beneath the blonde's rhythmic thrusts.  
  
"SHIIIIIIT!" Draco said, feeling the orgasm rising through his balls.  
  
"Fuck, Draco, you're so hot, I want you further inside me, blondie.. Ohhh yeah."  
  
"Ohhh baby yeah, I can feel it, bitch, I'm gonna come. I'm gonna fucking come soon."  
  
"Baby move those hips!"  
  
Harry and Draco's loud, orgasmic breathing reverberated around the Slytherin Dorm, and the two boys were hot and sweaty, feeling their orgasms rising to the top.  
  
"Ohhh Potter, I really love you - you know that? Since First Year, I fancied you sooo fucking badly, and... shiiit... I have my cock inside your tight ass now - BITCH!"  
  
"Draco pump me harder... I love you too, you're so ho-ot I wanted to touch you all over ever since your muscular body hit me in Quidditch..."  
  
"Ohh fuck... it's really nearing now. SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!"  
  
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Draco!" Harry moaned, massaging the Slytherin's body from the side.  
  
They let the last of their orgasm escape, and then Draco freed himself from the depths of Harry's ass and fell on top of him, breathing loudly.  
  
Harry pulled his arms around the sweaty body of the blonde and brought his face closer and kissed him.  
  
"Did you mean it - when you said you loved me?" Harry asked, looking into Draco's pale eyes.  
  
"Of course I did," he replied, running his fingers through Harry's black locks, "I love you."  
  
"Great, that's just perfect - you're perfect," Harry declared looking into the sweaty blonde Adonis that was lying naked on top of him.  
  
"I know I am," Draco replied proudly, "but you're so hot, I don't think you realise it."  
  
Harry laughed, "Well you seem to get all the girls... I have to end up fucking the guys."  
  
"Well it's not too bad is it?" Draco asked him.  
  
"Umm... you see Dray - I'm not actually gay," Harry said, looking at the cute guy with his green eyes.  
  
Draco scoffed, "Then what doest thou call this?"  
  
"Ohh right, no - I LOVE you, I'm just not gay. I don't fancy other boys."  
  
Draco put his hands around Harry's face and said, "Is that so? Well I'm glad I'm your one and only."  
  
Harry smirked and the two fell asleep in each other's arms. (Alexei walks out of the room because he realises Simpsons is on, but comes back whimpering when told that it's cancelled so that they can show the BBC Proms.)  
  
_____________________________________________________________________  
  
"Miss Lustful, Imran's gonna fuck us tonight!" Harry declared.  
  
Parvati ran forward and hugged him, "My hero! Now, I want you to make sure that I don't touch any girls while in bed."  
  
"Why?" Harry asked, puzzled, "I kinda like the idea of you on top of a girl... all hot and bothered, with your boobs rubbing against one another..."  
  
Parvati slapped Harry hard across the face, "NO! There will be no lesbian sex!"  
  
At that moment, Lavender's girlfriend, Yura Wych, had thrown water all over her and Lavender was cowering in a corner screaming, "I'M MELTING! ME-E-E- ELTIIING!"  
  
"You freaks!" Luna yelled at them, performing the Full Body Bind curse on Lavender.  
  
"Heh, that Luna is beginning to grow on me, you know," Parvati said, eyeing her with respect.  
  
Harry held Parvati's face in his hands and after a short kiss said to her, "Just because you hate my girlfriend, though."  
  
And he went over to perform the counter curse on his girlfriend.  
  
_____________________________________________________________________  
  
There were six people in the room now, Harry, Parvati, Draco, Seamus, Hermione and Imran Dee.  
  
Imran had turned homosexual earlier that day, after Harry had kissed him and felt him up in Charms and was now raring to fuck as many lads as possible - what a surprise he was in for!  
  
"Imran, I want you to fuck me," Parvati declared from the large bed in the Requirement Room, which had become a sort of gay bar, gay bar, gay bar! LOL.  
  
"Uhh okay then!" he said, catching sight of her beautiful naked body. (Alexei thinks HOW to describe a female form so perfect - ah! he has it! She's like all the most gorgeous women rolled into one, and her beauty is so much that even the gayest pansy would have a hard on!)  
  
Imran slid his cock inside Parvati's pussy, and moaned slightly at the pleasure. Draco got behind Imran and slid his dick into Imran's tight asshole. Imran yelped slightly at the momentary pain, but then sighed as Draco furthered in.  
  
"Now tell me do ya," Imran said, in a breathless whisper as he fucked Parvati, "Do ya have any money - I wanna spend all your money at the gay bar, gay bar, gay bar!"  
  
Draco moaned from behind, as he caught sight of Harry fucking Seamus, who was fucking Hermione.  
  
"I've got something to put in you," Harry moaned, kissing Seamus' neck, "I've got something to put in you, I've got something to put in you at the gay bar, gay bar, gay bar!"  
  
"Then fucking put it in me, Potter!" Seamus moaned, bucking his hips back and forth.  
  
They moaned and fucked and moaned and fucked and moaned and fucked - I'm sure you know how this ends. (Alexei is feeling quite fed up of sex, so he doesn't bother elaborating the fucking. Oh what's that, you say he can't 'get it up' when he's with his girlfriend? WHY YOU LITTLE...*choking, strangling, dies*)  
  
"Welcome Hermy," Draco moaned, "To the Sluts!" 


End file.
